I Bet If You Cut Off His Hair He Would Stop Being So Good

1st Charles Reinke averaged a frankly ridiculous 503 points, won all five of his games, accumulated a spread of +807, and left the rest of the world wondering when the madness would ever end. His first two games, played at the same time, were his least impressive of the night. He scored only 470 against Sue, and barely escaped Helen, 428-403. Helen's bingos of CHORINES and TATTLER were nearly enough to prevent future events from ever transpiring, but it was not to be. Things picked up for Charles against Bryan, where he bingoed 4 times with INTRANET, GOSPELER, MORTISES, and NUTBARS on his way to a nearly 200-point victory. In the third round, against his dear brother, he opened with EXOTICS and later got a 6-tile overlap NORITES. Thomas, for his part, played RUMINATE, THALWEGS, and yet another nine-letter phony, FLICKERER*. If it ever comes up again, remember that FRECKLIER is the valid play with those letters. Charles finished up his night with a nice and tidy 600 against Richard. He not only bingoed 4 times, but scored 30 or more on the turns between those bingos. The only thing stopping him from 700 was Richard selfishly hogging a blank and an S for himself.

2nd Aaron Bader went 3-1 +428, averaging 464 which seems like a lot until you think about what some other player averaged tonight. He got off to a hot start against Betty, slapping down three straight bingos to open the game, SLEETIER, MANTEAUS, and ABALONES. He used that decisive advantage to cruise to an easy win, scoring 533. Against Thomas, it was close most of the way until an untimely V draw for him and a timely blank draw for his opponent led to a 27 point loss, 393-420. Aaron recovered from that injustice quickly, winning 526-363 against Mary. Somehow he played SPIERED for 110 points; that feels like too many points for such a word. An independent commission has been organized to investigate this incident. As those suspicious events were unfolding, he also beat Helen 402-371.

3rd Bryan Benwitz continued the proud tradition of people coming in third place winning three games, going 3-1 +189. He got the bulk of his bingoing out of the way against Gail in the first round, playing GORDITA (n. something you can get at Taco Bell), DEFIERS, and AEONIAN. He ran into a speed bump, as so many of us do, against Charles, but responded with a big win against Dave, featuring the sole bingo of ALIUNDE (adj. from another source, used in law). Victory was again his in the final game, beating Thomas 402-400.Thomas played TENABLE and SALTERS, while Bryan played GANOIDS and EMIGRATE. Bryan won the game by finding the one winning play with three tiles (including a blank) on his rack. There were probably hundreds of plays he could have made; Thomas wonders why he didn't chose on of those.

Richard played the word of the week, ASTYLAR, which means "having no columns". What an appropriate term for many things in our lives!